This thing called.......

Nothing Much

2005-12-15T23:40:20Z

The semester has been great and thank God it is coming to an end. (Can’t wait) Haven’t had much time to write which doesn’t surprise me at all. I don’t really have much to talk about, just thought I drop a word or two. Which really doesn’t make much sense, but whatever. My bf Brian is great, he treats me the way I need to be treated. (um.. like a princess) That’s really all I feel like talking about today. Catch me on the flip side LOL

“Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Death

2005-10-04T06:27:22Z

The pass couple of months, have been the worse when it comes to the people that I love I really can’t take anymore of this. It seems that the people I hold close to my heart are just dying on me and I just can’t take it anymore. My heart is breaking in 2 pieces and there really isn’t anything that I can do to fix it. I think that what hurts the most. What the hell am I going to do? I just have to live life to the fullest and just forget the BS, because life is really too short and I don’t want to waste on anything or persons that may make it anymore difficult for me. In the pass 3 months have lost an uncle, a grand pappy, a great uncle, a friend and a the best guy friend I girl could ever want, in that order. I just don’t know what to do with myself any more. I just want it all to stop and I wake from this horrible dream that I’m trapped in. I think that I have really lost what was left of the innocence that I held so close to my heart. Though deep down inside I know that there is something left. I just need to take a deep breathe and think about the good times and walk around with a smile on my face. If I could change any thing, there would be nothing I’m happy for the years and brief moment that I have spent with these people and they will forever hold a special place in my heart as I theirs.

Jorge you were the best friend I girl could ever want. You put with me for the longest even when I knew I was getting on your nerves. I love you with all of my heart and then some. I’m going to miss or talks in the park and you laughing and picking on me. It does even feel right the fact that your gone. I won’t ever forget the times we shared and the memories we made.

Grand pappy what can I say. I love you so much. I wouldn’t have the person that I am without you and everything you have ever taught me. You were everything to me and I need and miss you so much. I just wish you didn’t have to leave me. I’m going to be ok.

Uncle Vecus through everything you were there and I miss you. Everything just feels so weird, but you’re not in pain anymore. So I should just try and find the joy in that.

It’s going to hurt not seeing these guys everyday after having them in my life for so long, but its going to be ok. I just have to grow a little and be a little stronger. I know that they will be with me 4ever and I will find the comfort in that.

“God didn’t take me from you he only took my hand”

cool

2005-06-19T06:31:18Z

Had a blast 2nite with Marco even though i can't hear out of my ears. The music was great however and I am so glad that i went. At the moment I've had to much to drink and feeling pretty sleepy. Partying is for the strong and thats real. The people at the place were great and really nice and that made me very happy. I'm so gone that I really dont even know what I'm talking about but ok whatever.

If you havent notice yes I am home from the New Mexico, and boy am I glad that I'm home. Having so much fun with my Ptown playaz. Love ya Jorge and Kim.

Thats all for the moment like i said b4 ur girl is pretty tired so i'll be going to bed at this moment. Nite Nite.

"I'll take take the front and you can have the back"

bsweetsin69 @ 2005-03-29T20:21:00

2005-03-30T04:01:46Z

Yeah so I know that it’s been awhile but whatever, still in the land of enchantment a.k.a New Mexico. Got really wasted this weekend as if that’s something new, but it was bad as ever. Girlfriend got sick because this kid made me so mad that every time I saw him I wanted to drink more and drink more I did, till I had no feeling. What’s Really Good. However he was sweet about the whole thing and cleaned the mess up, but that doesn’t make up for being mean to me. I’m fucking KENYEL who is he to be mad at me. That’s all done with now.

Um…guys are perverted to the fullest of being perverted. Double teaming who says that. Yeah let me write that on my things to do list. I just don’t get it sometimes, but then again I rarely get things the first time around, but whatever I’m COOL

I got this really hot hat made it says “Virgin Whore” the hat is just the shit and then some. I love it and that’s all that matters. Yeah some body had the nerve to tell me that I’m conceited like what the hell, don’t I have the right to talk about myself and if I look good then why cant I say it like what’s the problem in that. Cats just need to GET OFF IT and just GET RIGHT. I have to study for this test, what else can I do with my life.

“Feeling good, feeling great, I look good, don’t hate”

bsweetsin69 @ 2005-02-01T22:22:00

2005-02-02T05:24:40Z

Yeah so I think that it’s over. Yup why doesn’t that surprise me? Once again I have managed to make a complete fool out of myself over a guy. I guess I just never learn. One day I’ll get it and when I do it shall really be a great day. Until then I’ll just keep on walking through the mud. I know that I shouldn’t think that it was me it’s just something in my body that makes me feel as though it was. I know better than to think that way but I just can’t control it. So really what more can I say. I have better things to do with my life then sit around and be upset. Can’t really cry over something that was never yours. I’m a pretty girl. When one door closes does not another one open. The point to allowing yourself to be open is the likelihood that you may get hurt….I think I said that wrong. Being open always allows for the chance that you may get hurt. So I was hurt and now I know to move on.

“I haven’t Got Time for the pain”

the beat goes on

2005-01-30T20:04:25Z

This has been the craziest week of my life. I don’t think that I could handle anther one (Well maybe I can) For beginners I had a stalker though I think that he is done since I haven’t heard form him in a while (Really creepy) The same nite I met him he like wrote me letter and put it under my door tell me all this bull. If he had been cute I probably would not have cared as much, but home boy was just a mess. So the next nite I see him and tell him that I have a boyfriend. This nut goes and writes me another damn letter. Mind you this one had a poem included, but like I said I haven’t heard form him in a while so that must be a good sign I hope. (Please)

Ok there’s guy that only talks to me when he is drunk, but when he’s sober he ignores me. So I told him that if we can’t have a conversation sober then don’t f-ing call me anymore. Then his roommate comes up to me and was like “you really love him” I looked at that fool like he went and lost his mind. Then he was like “you call him every nite” What the hell do I looked like calling that fool every nite. I don’t even like him enough to call his ass once he’s the one that’s been calling me drunk and crap like that. I love him though….yeah right..sure..ok.

Met this other idiot, I just don’t know what to say. Really what can I say. I really don’t like him or the way he treats girls. If his ass thinks I’m jumping on his love band wagon he has another thing coming. He better pay me back my money or I’m going to be really pissed and that’s just that.

I did met this really cute guy. He like kinda looks like Kevin Federline (Britney Spears husband) He’s nice and all I guess. I just don’t know how this is going of play out. He’s from Canada. I want him to like me but then again I don’t. I don’t know what to do. I’m just so confused about that whole thing, but it does feel nice to have some one on the shelf and all.

This other guy is really crazy , like last nite he bit my neck and the nite b4 that he like tried to kiss all over me. He is so UGLY. I really felt like crying last nite. Like he is really disgusting to me in the fullest. I like never ever want to see him again and if I do I’m going to run for my dear life and then some. Then this other guy who was cute asked me to have sex with him. Like he really said that to me. He was like come to my room after this (this being the party) I was like why and he was like you going to make me explain. Yes he said that I made he explain. WHO DOES THAT !!! I was like yeah, then this fool looked me in the face and was like “For some sexual interactions” WHO SAYS THAT!! That boy had some damn problems. Did he really think that I was going to have sex with him? He must have. I am like so done with the male population here. Not as though there was even a big selection to choose from to begin with.

I found out that I have to buy my own cat to dissect in my Applied AP class. WHO DOES THAT!!!! I don’t know if I can handle that. Then I went and bought the wrong book for my class. I’m still going to use it though cuz I really don’t care.There is nothing more to talk about. Mayb if I write everyday I wont have so much to talk about and all. Who knows.

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

everything sux but happy b-day

2005-01-25T06:19:31Z

I really hate AOL/Aim. Like the guy had me on the phone for like 20mins and nothing at all was done. I really thought that he was stupid like really all i needed was a password change and it was like he was not even listining to what i was trying to tell him just like every other man i guess. I just so tired of the whole computer thing. Now I'm back on the phone with these people been on hold for that me see so far 13 mins, when the little recprding told me that it was only a 10 min. wait. I just wanna hit something. At this point in my life i think that i just want a new one. I just don't know what to do with my life. So PO'ed.

On a good note 2day ( New Jersey time) Its Milz ake Zoey's b-day. Just got off the phone with her. Big 20 no longer a teenager is she. What is a girl 2 do. P.S Happy b-day Milz.

Last week was Jennifers B-day. Yes I was a good time even though I wasn't there, I was there at heart. P.S. Happy bday to u 2 Jennifer

We walked together holding hands
Like that was something I really wanted to do.
But I must admit that is does feel nice.
How long I wonder.
How long will this thing not last.
MaybeI just want it to be over.
Yeah that really sounds like a good idea.
Turn and look at you, than down at our hands.
I wonder again
How long......

P.S.S I really really hate who ever inented computers and virus so pissed off right now just wanna hurt someone. Can't stand AOL. Like it would kill them to get people that spoke english, talking to those guys is like talking to a brick wall and I'm done after being on hold for like 30 mins. What is wrong with these people. I'm just going to bed now and trying not to stay mad.

Thats Right

2005-01-19T05:03:12Z

Today was cool. I met these really cool girls 2day at dinner. They seem really nice. I met some guys 2 they were like really funny. I fell over a sofa. Yes i know leave it to Kenyel to make a fool out of herself, but what can I say. I start classes 2morrow. That should be a ton of fun. Nah not really.

Can't believed that i talk to him. (Those who know me know who him is) He that shall remain nameless. Why did I have to go and do that as though i don't have enough problems with John and every other guy that happens to be in my life. I just don't know when to fold them. I do love that boy, its sickening. What is a girl to do.

Is is possible to go into sexual withdraw. I really think something is wrong with me. I'm really about to lose my mind. O like 2day this girl was calling my name and i don't what happened all I know is that she was calling my name but it didn't sound like it, then finally i just turned around and low and behold she was calling my name. I sound pretty drunk right now I bet, I'm not though. I really don't know what my deal is. I'm just rambling on about a bunch of nonsense. O I almost broke the soda machine. Did I already mention that I'm losing my mind. I really don't have anything else to talk about. With that being said I'm out.

"I have lost the art of conversation but not, unfortunately, the power of speech."

bsweetsin69 @ 2005-01-16T03:49:00

2005-01-16T10:51:48Z

Yeah so 2nite was crazy. Got really drunk, met these really hot guys. I had to throw myself in front of this guy so that these black guys wouldn't beat him up. Then almost got into a fight with the black guys bcuz they tried to hit me. What the the hell is going on. In Jersey i felt safe at least. Well any way i got this guys number even though he had sex with my roommate. They say that she's gay, what am I going to do. I really have no idea. I'm still drunk so u'll just have to get over any type-o's. Yeah i was ready to beat the shit out of this guy, i was about to take my heels off and everything. I just don't know what 2 do. I feel like i don't know what. I like told the guy that he;s taking me to dinner. I'll c how that goes. Well I'm tired and I'm going to bed now so good nite O the baseball team is hot, just thought that I'll let you know. LOL.

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol

bsweetsin69 @ 2005-01-13T22:12:00

2005-01-14T05:20:15Z

2nite is my first nite in the dorm of Eastern New Mexico University. Can u say tired. Geez its like only a quarter to 10 and I'm ready to hit the sack. What is a girl to do. I haven't met any cute guys as of yet, but the baseball team did move in and they are in my dorm, i just haven;t met them yet, but have been told that they are hot. O i live on the all girls floor. You should have seen my face when they told me something like that. My jaw like fell to the ground i really thought that my eyes were about to water. I just don;t know what to do with myself. Yeah i have to get a job. I thought the mall was 3 hours away. Nope only an hour and a half, I repeat what is a girl 2 do. O today i managed to almost take my left boob off when i ran into this thing i don't even know what it was. What i do know is that it hurt like hell. I realized that i know nothing about Mexican food and you should have saw me trying to read that menu it was really laughable. It is like so cold, I'm really like freezing. I met one guy though i cant seem to recall his name. O well he was really nice and i hope that mayb we could be friends (No not that kind of naughty friend) We'll just see what happens who knows. But right now I'm so tired so I'm going to bed.

"There is fate, but it only takes you so far. Because once you're there, it's up to you to make it happen."

Whatever that means....

2005-01-08T01:41:02Z

This week sucked major ass. Had to work almost everyday and had to listen to my boss tell how much of a horrible worker that i happen to be. If that wasn't enough my computer had HIV from me screwing around with it (it didn't catch it from me, LOL). O not to leave out the fact that my mom is really driving me up the wall. I can;t wait to leave i need a break. Did i mention how freaking cold it is. Hope to see John tonite. I don't know what time he plans on bring is butt here, but it better not be late. I'm like so mad right now. Yeah i just call him he said within the hour. Its 8:17 now, mind you it takes a ½ hour just to get to my house to begin with. However he is going to feed me so I'm happy about that. Yum...southwestern egg rolls, just what a girl needs.

My mom never ceases to amaze me, she thinks that I'm having sex. I don't rightly know where she got that idea from but yeah whatever. Whats crazier is the fact that every time I see my older aunt she tells me not to give guys head. What the hell is up with my family. Like i would ever do that.......(um..)

Yeah well that's all for now getting ready for the dude.

Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent

?

2004-11-10T23:00:13Z

I think that I like him now. I hope that would be a good thing, in fact it is a good thing. I need someone to like...no…correction I want someone to like. This crap with New Mexico is like making me so mad, what the hell am I paying these people for. Now I’m going to have my mom call them because when I do it no one wants to help me but when she calls everyone’s her best friend. Please tell me how this is fair. It has to be handled before the week is over or else.

Is it weird to be with one guy but have dreams about other guys while you’re with him? I really don’t know what my deal is; maybe I just need some help.

Right now my roommate is proving to me why I think that she has problems, maybe it’s all of the brain cells that she kills off every week.

Note to self never ever take 19 credits again. (even though I plan on doing it any way).

“When he cares, then I care and that makes me a better person.”

Halloween

2004-11-01T18:56:52Z

Last night had such a blast with Milz had so much fun at the APD house. I bet right about now Linz wishes that she had gone, but she didn’t so HA!! Met this guy he was so hot. Me like a lot. O as well as the fact my costume was so hot!! Yup no modesty at all, so there. I got to spank so many guys with my whip, it was just great to the fullest. Guys really enjoy crazy stuff like that I guess.

Here’s a little funny; At capers didn’t we like the way Kenyel fell and bust her butt. Geez and here I thought that I was getting better at not trying to make a fool out of myself guess I was wrong once again.

So 2nite may be spent dying Linz hair, o my so much fun I bet. Then who knows.

I don’t need permission make my own decisions

That’s my prerogative

bsweetsin69 @ 2004-07-02T22:24:00

2004-07-03T02:24:31Z

Quick run down: Had blast last thurs. went to c my roomie Linz. Had so much fun at Cave and Flow with Caitlin and her. Soooo many hot guys what could I do, I mean sooooooo many hot male strippers. Little did I know that the male strip place was Cave and the female Flow. The way some girls act just drove me out of my mind but it’s all good. I still had so much fun. So far the summer has been ok nothing much, but will get better. (I hope) Want to go to the city 2morrow most likely I will cuz I want to. Grandpappy came home from the hospital; me and him had a nice conversation today, about stuff that I will never understand, but alls good.

My mom thought that it would be nice to ask me what I plan to do after I get married and that is IF I get married since I do not know how to cook, clean, go grocery shopping, do laundry, budget, I know that there were other but I really don’t remember them. Well mom I don’t know what I’m going to do since you’ve done a fine job in raising me the way that I am. Since these are the criteria in which I need to get married then I guess that I’m going to have some problems. Wait now that I think about it, I really don’t need any of this since I plan on marrying someone that can afford to hire someone that can do all these things for me. (sigh) Now the world is at peace once again.

Well this is all for now I might go and so something like um…. Read. That really sounds like a good idea. Never know what you can learn when you open a book.

Summer part 1

2004-06-08T04:10:02Z

If I could use one world to describe my summer so far it would be UM. I can’t describe my summer because there really isn’t much to describe. If you like going shopping everyday then I guess that it would be fun, but not for me. I’m tired of spending money and I never thought that I would say that, but I’m madly truly deeply am. I hate going to the mall now. I need a new outlet. Had a friend that told me that I should work out when I get like this, but I don’t seem to have the strength. I had a list of goals that I was going to do. There were 3 main ones. Have I gotten either of them. Um… not really so I not the happiest of people.

It’s now required that I be bilingual in either Spanish or Italian to get the kind of job that I want., Which means that I most likely won’t be working this summer which sucks bcuz what else am I to do SHOP? I’ll kill myself first b4 I go to the mall again. (Ok not really) Boredom is killing my insides. I think that I have no choice but to go to Florida for a week. I really need a change of scenery.

I tried to be nice to guys specially the one that ruin me forever when it comes to trusting men. Thank you so much, you have really done your job well and I wish you the best of luck with you future conquests. The fact that I believed you was my own damn fault and I have no one else to blame but myself for that. However the fact that u had the nerve to lie to my face is your fault. I may not be the smartest girl out there but I know that I’m not stupid. (At least not all the time) I really shouldn’t be surprise bcuz I do know how to pick them. Mayb one day I mite get it rite, if not then I guess just get divorce ever 9 months. Hahhhhh why me I was always the good girl then I do this darn college thing and it really just messed me up.

My grandpappy is in the hospital which really isn’t helping my mood at all bcuz I love him so much and I don’t know what I’ll do if something were to happen to him. It just sucks that one of the few men that I trust is sick and there’s nothing that I can do to help him and I just feel so weak and it makes me mad. What makes me even madder is the fact that all of this could have been avoided. Hahhh. This summer SUCKS. I just want everything to go my way I really don’t think that I’m asking for too much. I’m done

“Some where over the rainbow blue birds fly…. If blue birds can fly over the rainbow then why can’t I”

Sucks

2004-05-21T04:18:35Z

Just when I thought he could be a really nice person he goes and fools me once again. I really should say they, because it's not just one person. He just stands out more at the moment. Try so hard and yet I get nothing back in return, which really makes me wonder why I keep trying. I don't know maybe the fact that I don't like giving up on something/someone; well whatever it is it's making me feel like crap. I want to cry, but I don't believe that I have a valid reason to do so and that sucks in the worse way. I hate the feeling that I was the one that did something wrong when I know in truth I didn't do anything wrong. I hate the fact that people tell you one thing and then turn around and do something different, then act surprise when you call them on it. I’m just tired of the whole situation all together. I’m sick and tired of always being the person to give then get nothing in return, like I’m some how unworthy of you and all that other crap. I don't even know why I’m thinking about it, but I do know one thing that there is going to be some major changes in the way I perceive people. I would say that I might have to change, but I'm not the one with the problem. When I say I’m going to do something most likely then not I do it with no it's or but's about. I was just under the false impression that certain were people like that and especially someone that I want to be close to me. Well I guess I was just being naive. I also guess that the only person that you can really depend on is yourself and just screw what other people think or do. The way I'm feeling right now isn't the best and I really hate the fact that I feel like crying for what I think is not a good reason to waste any tears on. I should see the brighter side of the picture I found out how certain people really are before I had done something stupid, I can't say I would have regretted it and if I could do it again I still would because I would have learned something anyway. Whatever life goes on and I really need to go to sleep hopefully I’ll have a clearer head in the morning. Plus I have to go to a birthday party for a friend and I should have a lot of fun and not think about crazy shit.

“Why should I feel sad
For what I never had
Nothing equals nothing”

Summer!!

2004-05-17T01:34:58Z

Well school has come to an end I’m glad to have completed an entire year of college. 1 down 3 more to go bcuz I will be getting out of here in 4 years if it’s the last thing that I do. I met some really great people this year and did some crazy things. Got really weird names (backseat). Realized that when not drunk I still manages to make an ass out of myself, but not has funny. Also, the fact that Dan could have had me, but he missed out on that one (LOL). Didn’t know I had a neat freak for a roommate but that’s ok, Linz u were the best and I’m glad you set me straight on a certain things that white girls can do better then black girls. (wink, wink) Caitlin is still the craziest girl in my life. Jen ur the best and those conversations were just between us even the ones that we had over the weekend (still didn’t get my call). Evelyn congrats on crossing don’t know how I made it through those 5 weeks with out talking to u it really killed me. Jessie what can I say I like the slumber parties that were kind of forced on u, but it was all good. Jessie u brought out the bad girl in me bcuz there were just something’s that I would never had done if not for you. Meleka I think that u really must love me to put up with half of my spoiled baby BS and considering that we are both the same sign I don’t know how you did it. Melissa you were the best and then some, great times with guys and Lexus’s. (UM…) Still and will also ways be my favorite Asian, to bad we never got to do our school girl things, “I’m wet all over”. Val I really glad that I got to know you this semester and I’m glad that we had so much fun at church u really must come again, oh and let us not forget this “Let it burn , Let it burn” Sarah and Aimee u two are the sweetest girls in the world an I’m glad that we all became friends. To my fella’s Steve-O I’m going to miss you so much have fun in Boston and I wish you the best with you music. Eric I’m sorry that I missed movie nite but we have next semester. Mike you were the best buddy in the world, loved our trip to New York to find porno. (How hard was that finding porn in NYC, if you guys only knew) Dan u were a great help that nite that you claimed I almost raped you, but thinks for helping any way, you were the best. Brandon I was thinking about spelling your name the way it’s on ur license, but I thought that you might get mad about that one. Nonetheless you were a great friend even through you were mean to me, I know it was because you loved me some much and that was the only way that u knew how to show. I glad to say that I gave you such a good massage. Steve thanks for letting me play on your soft ball team even if I was really, really bad. Your still a cool person just bcuz u know me. (LOL) Barry Bonds all the way. Kenny, Tat, both Matt’s, John, Aaron, Jordon, Dickson, Reggie, Troy, Ryan, and Mike. The passed year was great for me and I’m happy to say that it wouldn’t have been half as great if you guys weren’t there to share it with me, Thank you. Oh I can't forget about my New Mexico girls Hilary and Antoinette, I'm glad for the chance to know you and i can't wait til I c u guys next spring it's going to be a blast.

Then there are the guys that will remain nameless, but if you really know me then you would know who I’m talking about. (Hint: NYIT, Kegger, and we won’t go there) If it wasn’t for them I….. well I really don’t know what they did for me but it’s only fair that I include them since they were apart of the passed year be it for the good or bad. Realized that college guys in some respect are just as bad as high school guys, college guys just happen to have bigger balls. Enough of the guys bashing on a serious note I’m gonna miss you guys for the summer hopefully I’ll see most of you. So I hope that everyone has a very safe summer and don’t do anything that I wouldn’t do. Avoir still the fall…

"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget."

Fun

2004-03-12T05:31:05Z

Well today was kind of boring. Took a midterm that I hoped I passed because that thing really did not make any sense at all. Anyway let’s get to the good stuff. Went out last night had a blast with Mel and Linz. (We owned that table) So many good-looking guys so little time to explore. Had to make a decision and proud to say that it was a good one. Last night was the night of some of the weirdest things to ever have been said.

“Do you girls need help with that Keg”

“Need help? We can build our own Keg”

“Well I’ll only go down on him if he has a nice car”

“Yup that would have to be a Lexus”

“I like it when its hits me in the face” (Um... figure that one out)

“What’s a badonkadonk”

“I kissed him, I really can’t remember”

“Peace, Peace, Peace”

“Beer tastes like bread because of the yeast that’s in it”

I’m sure that there were others but the condition that I was last night did not allow my memory to process the info that was being throw at it, which really is ok, because the memories that I do have are wonderful. I can’t help it that if every time us girls go out together we are the life of the party. Doesn’t it suck to be us…um..NAH!!! Well that’s all for tonight.

“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?”

SO.....

2004-03-06T06:19:18Z

Well to begin the smartest girl in the world managed to lose $30 at different times in one day. I don’t think that I could get any more careless then I’ve already been. All is good though since daddy said that he’s giving me more. I’m just mad that I lost the money that’s all. I’ll get over it though. Also the smartest girl managed to oversleep and miss her test this morning. (What the hell was I thinking having an 8 o’clock) Don’t plan on doing that next semester. The smartest girl in the world did manage to get a 100 on her quiz, so that is a plus.

Talked to daddy and he told me that have to think of the good things that have happened and not the bad. Lets just say that there was more bad then good, but really can’t get into it bcuz it is going against what daddy told me to do. I love that guy. (funny man you)

Sex seems to be the topic on people minds. (As though it hasn’t always been) I feel that if you feel like doing it just do it. Don’t second guess bcuz then I’m asked questions and I really wouldn’t know what to tell ya. However if you know the guy or girl is a little um….. then there is a chance that you shouldn’t. What else can I tell ya, there are just some chances that are not worth taking. We are all big boys and girls and should now this by now.

I hate the fact that I could have had a boyfriend by now if I wasn’t such a jerk. (I will admit when I’m in the wrong) Certain things should not have been said nor done, but I can’t change it so whatever. I do however feel sorry, for those that I did hurt, feelings wise. I do feel bad but there’s no need for me to dwell on it I can’t change it, all I can do is learn from these many experiences. However since I’m so hard headed I have to make the same mistake 10,000 times before it gets through. (All is good) Also if it was meant to be then it would have been, but since it wasn’t then it never was. (These things just sneak up on me). I’m just going to wait till the time is right.

I have come to the understanding that I have bad parking skills. This means getting in and out of parking spots. For some strange reason, I keep hitting things. Not that I want to of course but thing just happen. Like the car was there to long, wouldn’t let me move or it was just on the sidewalk. (Don’t ask) I am learning slowly but surely.

On a good note Sheeda was never mad at me; it was all in my mind. Good and funny girl. She has to be or else she wouldn’t know me nor be such a good friend, cuz I am the….

Unfortunately or maybe fortunately depending on the individual, all good things must come to an end and this entry is no exception. So Avior.

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Walk beside me and be my friend."

I really don’t know…

2004-03-03T19:13:45Z

Well as you can see I haven’t written in a while. No shock there, bcuz I have a really short attention span. (I don’t think I should have said that) Whatever. Who ever said that Life was like a roller coast could not have been more accurate. However since I’m really not going to do the whole life sucks thing, bcuz truth be told it’s overly used and over rated. I have decided that I have better things to do.

I have come to the realization that few people know who they really are. That you mold yourself to be something that you’re not to fit it with what some may consider the Norm. Actually that’s a load of crap, bcuz they one’s that think they have it figured out are the ones that tend to make the most mistakes. I’ll rather be the person that’s lost any day of the week. You can’t stay lost forever. (At least I hope not)

Moving on I have a friend that’s mad at me, I said that I was sorry what more do they want. In my opinion I think that it takes more time to dislike a person than to just like them. People just don’t seem to get that at all, not to motion the fact that every time you frown at someone you don’t like it speeds up the wrinkling process. I’ll rather do with out the wrinkles.

Guys were put on earth to help with the reproduction process and not to think. Now if only we could get them to understand that tiny fact. Then maybe and I mean just maybe the world would be a better place. (NO I NOT A MAN HATER!!) I just happen to know what their functions are. I guess it would be a good idea to let them know too. Now what would make a good girl like myself think something like that, could it be the idiotic things the say, do or think. Nah that couldn’t be it at all, but I’m tired of this thought pattern already. Said what I had to say and there is just no need for me to explain. However those that are close may have an idea of what it all means.

To end this rather odd and maybe confusing entry I would like to state that there are just certain things that a person should not do to them selves,

1) Give on things you know you can’t have. Why waste time and mental power going after something you know you’re not going to get. For the challenge, that’s what I keep telling myself and that’s why I’m in the mess that I’m in.

2) Don’t cry over spilled milk. Just clean it up and move on.

3) No regrets. Having regrets just make my head hurt and I’ll rather not have to deal with it at all.

4) No girl is ever really a slut bcuz the word really doesn’t exist. It was a thought made up to keep the sexual liberators down. (Keep up the good work and no I am not a sexual liberator)

With this being said I am finished.

“One half of the world can not understand the pleasure of the other”

bsweetsin69 @ 2004-02-24T02:03:00

2004-02-24T07:03:16Z

    Well I thought yesterday was bad today beat it by a landslide. It just went from bad to worst in a matter of moments or should I say hours. I just need to know when to fold them really. Maybe one day I will, until then I guess I'm just going to have to play by hand out.

    Today I realized that you can't always get what you want and yelling at your mother does not make things better, but instead worst. However she loves me any way. (Love ya mom, SORRY!!!) Realized that I have to stop using my grandparents for money. I really feel bad doing that, but I do love them. (Love ya Grand pappy and Grandma)

      I think that I really need some R&R. Saw my ex with his new girlfriend today. I really don't care about the fact that he as a girl, Wish them both the best of luck. (I really want his brother anyway!!) So true, so true. I have to really move on. What I ever saw in him makes me wonder. I will find out one day soon. I think that I'm going to give guys a rest for a moment or maybe they should give me a break. Whatever happens first?

    The time has come for the serious stuff. I think that I should fall in love. I think that I should have my heart broken. I think that I must really be out of my mind for saying the latter. O well, life does go on as usual. (I wished!!) Why do I think that I need to have my heart broken, because I feel that you will never truly know what love is until you lose love. Sick but in some twisted way true. I think that you can’t have one without the other. How I wish that it wasn’t true. I think that in the end everything will work out for the best and then some.

“I thought I loved him, but he had to break my heart for me to know what true love really is."

bsweetsin69 @ 2004-02-23T01:10:00

2004-02-23T06:10:48Z

Ok this morning was fine. I guess I should have just stayed in bed. Nope, I had to get up and go eat. Whatever was I thinking doing something like that. Um.... maybe survival. Yup that gets you every time. Well any way had big discussion over penetration. Um..yes never say that again. Made me a little mad.(HELLO!!I was there I do know what happened) So I had to be alone for awhile. Planned on studying but of course that didn't happen. (I will be the model student!!) I have a test in the morning. That really sucks. Went down to shaker man room. (don't ask)That was very interesting. Learned a lot about the male brain. Enough to frighten me. The things that go on in their heads make's me proud to be a woman. Took his Prince CD, I might think about letting him have it back, until then life goes on. (No really he can have his CD)NO MORE LAP DANCES! NO MORE LAP DANCES!! I keep telling myself this. (I will succeed!!!) The world will love me for who I am and not the person that they want me to be. (I hope in this life time) LOL

~Avoir~

Um.....

2004-02-22T20:01:33Z

     After fighting with this thing for the past half hour. I realize that i might really have some issues, bcuz what person would try for an half hour to log on to soemthing to talk about their daily life. I guess that a lot of people would including me so here is goes.
    Yesterday was fun and today just started well for me anyways since i just woke up. Had a ton of fun with Mel, Lindsay, Val, Ryan, and Brandon. The things that we talked about will be in mind 4ever.(That is a very scary thought) Well this is all that my mind can muster up for the time being.
                              Avoir!!!